Divorce and Remarriage (updated 2024/11/26)

There is a lot of unnecessary, guilt-laden teaching on divorce and remarriage, mostly due to misunderstanding scripture as a result of poor translation.

Our understanding of divorce and remarriage must be in harmony with all scripture, including the fact that Moses permitted divorce and placed a restraint on a particular sequence of remarriage.

When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4 NASB unless noted)

Notice that divorce is permitted in this scripture and is described as a three-step process, as underlined: writing a 'certificate of divorce', putting it into her hand, and sending it away or separating. God permits divorce and remarriage when the proper steps are taken. This could be considered a two-step process if worded as giving her a certificate of divorce followed by separation.

He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives." (Matthew 19:8)

Jesus admitted that Old Testament Law (God's law to Moses) permitted divorce¹. Elsewhere, He also said, "Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven"² and that He had not come to "abolish the Law or the Prophets...but to fulfill."³

Annulling any part of the Law, including telling people they cannot divorce or be remarried, would incur the consequences of Jesus' warning.

According to God's Law, and so in Jesus' time, divorce proceedings were not necessary when adultery was confirmed.

"If there is a man who commits adultery with another man's wife, one who commits adultery with his friend's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." (Leviticus 20:10)

“Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” (John 8:4-5)

To say then that the Bible only allows for 'divorce' when adultery is confirmed is a blatant and dangerous mishandling of Scripture.

How, then, do we understand Matthew 5:31-32:

"...anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery."

Translation Error

Unlike English, Biblical Greek is an exacting language. The words used are with intent. Greek uses five specific words depicting different aspects of our word for "love," for example. Phrases like "making love" or "love that dress" are a case in point. God-breathed scripture uses specific words with exacting intent. On the other hand, we can be sloppy, vague, and/or biased in our interpretation and translation.

Our understanding and interpretation of New Testament language and scriptures must be in harmony with Old Testament Law. On this point, the translators seem inaccurate in handling the Greek and Hebrew words related to 'separation' and 'divorce.' Yes, God's original intention for marriage did not include divorce, nor did He intend for sin to damage relationships. However, He did permit it—and in Isaiah 50:1 and Jeremiah 3:8, He admits to using the two-step process when He divorced Israel.

Thus says the LORD, "Where is the certificate of divorce By which I have sent your mother away?" (Isaiah 50:1)

I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce. (Jeremiah 3:8)

Again, these two steps are very important—giving a certificate of divorce, step one, followed by sending her away, step two. With that in mind, we'll revisit some familiar verses, looking at the literal interpretation of the words.

Malachi

"For I hate divorce [send away], says the LORD, the God of Israel..." Malachi 2:16

The Hebrew word in this verse is shalach, which means 'to send.'⁴ Translators assumed 'sending away' was synonymous with 'divorce', which would be like assuming 'divorce' and 'separation' were synonymous.

In Malachi's day, it was cruel 'to send' a woman away without first giving her a 'writ' or 'certificate of divorce' since she would then not be permitted to remarry. Marrying someone who was merely separated and having no 'certificate of divorce' was adultery. A woman without a certificate of divorce would be forced to live a life of poverty as a single woman or be guilty of adultery. God hates the cruelty associated with withholding the certificate of divorce, and it was this practice that Jesus was rebuking in Matthew's gospel.

Matthew (and similarly in Mark)

Now, look at Jesus' words in Matthew when I insert the transliterated (English letters in place of the Greek letters) Greek words. Note where these words are used:

"It was said, 'WHOEVER SENDS (apoluo) HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE (apostasion)'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces (apoluo) his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery (moicheuo); and whoever marries a divorced (apoluo) woman commits adultery (moicheuo). (Matthew 5:31-32 NASB unless noted) (I've added the Greek and put in bold the two-step process)

Why would translators correctly use apoluo, which means 'to send away,' the first time and then wrongly translate it as 'divorce' the last two times? The Greek word for divorce is apostasion. On that basis, these verses should have been translated this way:

"It was said, 'Whoever separates from his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who only separates from his wife, except for her unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries a woman who is only separated commits adultery." (Matthew 5:31-32) (my translation)

Or this translation by the Literal Standard Version:

And it was said that, Whoever may put away his wife, let him give to her a writing of divorce; but I say to you that whoever may put away his wife, except for the matter of whoredom, makes her to commit adultery; and whoever may marry her who has been put away commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32 (LSV)

Any woman who is sent away without a certificate of divorce is only separated and not lawfully divorced. Re-marriage to a woman who is only separated would represent adultery since she is not divorced. It is also a fault against the one who only sends away; he "causes her to become an adulteress."

In the NASB verse, the words 'for the reason of unchastity' represent the Greek word porneia. Other versions translate porneia as fornication, unchastity, lewdness, or immorality. Jesus did not use the word moicheuo here, which is the actual Greek word for adultery, as the only justified reason for divorce. People, in His time, caught in adultery then were not divorced. They were stoned.

I would suggest that porneia represents any action in which you have given your devotion to someone other than your spouse—even holding your children in higher regard than your spouse. It could include flirting or engaging in lewd behaviour with someone other than your spouse and even friendships you are not willing to stop at the request of your spouse.

Since those caught in adultery were stoned, sexual intercourse cannot then be the only justification for divorce. Moses' words, "some indecency," could represent any behaviour violating fidelity as justification for serving a certificate of divorce followed by separation.

In the following verses from Matthew 19, I've inserted, in bold, the literal translation of the Greek words:

Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to send away his wife for any reason at all?" . . .They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to send away your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever sends away his wife, except for lewd behaviour (porneia), and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:3, 7-9)

The Pharisees' question shows that their practice seems to have been simplified to the one-step of just sending the wife away, and yet they acknowledge the two-step process. Jesus takes them back to what was scriptural—the only reason permitted for divorce was porneia, which, again, is not adultery because adultery doesn't require a divorce. As mentioned earlier, porneia refers to some unfaithfulness or indecency. Jesus adds that if the man, who is only separated, remarries, he commits adultery.

Paul

Paul, too, gives marriage advice, and again, I've added and underlined the literal translation:

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not send away his wife. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not send away her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send away her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:10-13)

Here, he uses the Greek word aphiemi, which means to 'send away,'⁵ Greek is a very exacting language, unlike English. It has five distinct words for different types of love. English has just love—we love hotdogs, shoes, pets, our sister, spouse, sunshine, etc. For this reason, it is a blatant error to translate aphiemi as divorce.

In other places, aphiemi is translated as 'forgive,' which is another blatant error based on the sloppy English language/translation. In the verses above, Paul writes, "And a man must not (aphiemi) his wife." Try using 'forgive' in that place. (see the article God Cannot Forgive Sin)

For Paul to forbid divorce, as most modern translations read, would be to nullify what God permitted through Moses. That cannot be.

Again, these verses' literal and accurate translation warns against ending a marriage by separation only—with no certificate to fulfill termination.

Summary

While meeting with a couple struggling with marriage difficulties, each began listing the faults of the other. I stopped them and invited each one to tell me where they failed or missed the mark. I waited three or four minutes in total silence—neither knew what to say. We can only experience forgiveness when we confess our faults, not when we confess the faults of others (usually called "the blame game").

We are not taught the root of our marriage difficulties. If we were, we could experience the joy that God intended for the union.

We would do well to work on changing the only heart to which we can affect change when we surrender our heart to the Spirit of Holiness.

Softening our hearts toward the other and avoiding expectations are the preferred solutions to marriage difficulties. Still, where that is not a consideration, or if aggression or abuse is involved, a properly executed divorce is in harmony with scripture.

Separation is not a divorce; dating a separated individual is dating a married individual, which equates to marital unfaithfulness. Divorce without both the separation and a certificate of divorce is not divorce. Never confuse what the world, the legal system, or the church allows with what God requires. God does not compromise.

Biblical divorce is permitted for reasons of marital unfaithfulness, and Biblical remarriage is permitted when the divorce process is properly followed—a certificate of divorce and separation. To teach that divorce is only permitted where adultery is confirmed violates Jesus' warning on changing or nullifying scripture.

Divorce is an emotionally damaging step to take and never to be taken lightly, especially when children are involved. The damage goes on for generations. God can heal our relationships if we surrender our hearts and lives to him for change. Please ensure that every other option is exhausted before turning to divorce. It is a terrible solution.